PART THREE | You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church And Rethinking Faith
January 17, 2016
You Lost Me Part Three
Series: You Lost Me
January 17, 2016
Romans 2:1, 11-16 (When reading emphasize the bold verses that highlight there is more than one way to know God)
1 So every single one of you who judge others is without any excuse. You condemn yourself when you judge another person because the one who is judging is doing the same things…. 11 God does not have favorites. 12 Those who have sinned outside the Law will also die outside the Law, and those who have sinned under the Law will be judged by the Law. 13 It isn’t the ones who hear the Law who are righteous in God’s eyes. It is the ones who do what the Law says who will be treated as righteous. 14 Gentiles don’t have the Law. But when they instinctively do what the Law requires they are a Law in themselves, though they don’t have the Law. 15 They show the proof of the Law written on their hearts, and their consciences affirm it. Their conflicting thoughts will accuse them, or even make a defense for them, 16 on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the hidden truth about human beings through Christ Jesus.
Matthew 28:16-20 (notice even after all the Resurrection appearances some are still doubting)
16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshipped him, but some doubted. 18 Jesus came near and spoke to them, “I’ve received all authority in heaven and on earth. 19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to obey everything that I’ve commanded you. Look, I myself will be with you every day until the end of this present age.”
One – Introduction: Why Does This Series Matter?
At our staff meeting this week we discussed how people are experiencing this message series. Clearly this is a challenging issue for us. It is not an easy for us to share and I imagine not easy for some of us to hear because it is based on a lot of bad news. 59% of those who are 18-29 years old have dropped away from church. These are people who grew up in our youth groups, our Sunday Schools, our worship experiences and yet they have walked away. I want to thank you for the feedback that has been mostly positive and most importantly has generated a lot of discussion. The sentiment I’ve heard most has been, “it’s about time the church faced these issues.”
But you might be wondering why are we taking time to focus on a particular generation of people, especially people who don’t seem to care about the institution of the church. And what exactly are you asking us to do or to change? The young people you are talking about seem so absorbed in themselves. Are you just asking us to cater to their whims?
Survivial
Let me share why I think we need to face this issue head on. First of all, the millennial generation is the largest generation in US history, 77 million strong. If we do not try to understand how they view the world we are in danger of losing MOST of an entire generation.
Take a look at these figures:
Every year 4000-7000 churches in the United States close their doors
1990 — 20.4% of Americans attended church on a given weekend
2000 — 18.7% of Americans attended church on a given weekend
2005 — 17.5% of Americans attended church on a given weekend
2010 — 16.2% estimated church attendance
2020 — 14.4% estimated church attendance
Between 2010 and 2012, more than half of all churches in America added not one new member.
Each year, nearly 3 million more previous churchgoers enter the ranks of the “religiously unaffiliated.”
Someone from our congregation shared an email that said, “Christianity is one generation from extinction and we are getting closer.”
If you care about the church and believe the world is a better place when churches are impacting the world, as well as thriving and discipling our children and grandchildren then you don’t have any choice but to care about reaching the generation of the millennials because without them the church will not survive.
Can’t Be About Survival
But let me tell you if our only motivation is the survival of the church then we have already lost. Millennials could care less about the institution of the church. Millennials have been let down by many institutions. Government, education, corporations, churches, and marriage have let them down too many times. Previous generations have left them with government deficits, massive school loan debt and jobs that frequently offer no benefits. They have learned not to depend on institutions but what is exciting is they have not grown completely cynical. Instead they have discovered there are new ways to change the world.
They have watched as movements changed the world in a matter of months, weeks and sometimes even days. The Arab Spring came about through students using social media. Lawmakers in Indiana quickly discovered the power of social media in the recent debate over Religious Freedom and LGBT rights. And what this means for the church is that young people are looking for places that are literally, physically changing the world and tackling the social justice issues they care about.
Millennials Calling Us to a Thriving Faith
And that is why Pastor Aaron and I are most interested in sharing this series. We believe the most significant complaints of the millennial generation are things Jesus would want us to care about. This series isn’t about catering to a select group of people. It is about living fully what we are called to be.
I hope you can hear the voice of Jesus when millennials claim the church has tried to overprotect them by sheltering them from worldly music and movies. Didn’t Jesus say to be in the world but not of it? When millennials complain that the faith they were given in church was too shallow, was more about morality than about hearing God calling us to change the world, doesn’t that sound like the Jesus who told the rich, young ruler to go, sell everything he has, give it to the poor and then come follow him?
When we shared last Sunday that millennials believe the church has been too anti-science doesn’t it sound like the Apostle Paul who was able reason with the philosophers of Athens when he saw the statue in honor of the unknown god. He didn’t put down their many gods but used their curiosity to point them to the one true God. And when we talked about the concern that Christians are too repressive in their views on sexuality we invited all last week to consider how Jesus had that perfect balance of grace and accountability with the woman who had committed adultery? I hope you can see that we are raising these concerns because they invite us to be what our faith is calling us to be. We believe if we hear well these concerns the church will be a better place for all of us to thrive spiritually.
This Is Personal
And let me tell you this is personal. I have four millennial children and I’ve watched as they have struggled to find a place to worship that fits where they are in their lives now. We have spiritual discussions all the time and they know I would be much happier if they found a church to grow and serve. They have shared their attempts. It is already hard at that age when they are building their careers that often have them working long and crazy hours that make the commitment to regular worship difficult. Many millennials simply have to work Sundays. And at least with my children many of the churches that do gear their ministry toward millennials hold to a theology they are not comfortable with.
And I’ve listened to some of the millennials in our congregation and they have been honest with me and said, there is really nothing geared for us here. We are like most churches whose ministries cater to families with children. Many millennials are delaying marriage and children or perhaps choosing not to have children so where do they plug in?
If you are a millennial here today let me first say we are working on it. Part of my vision for ministry has always been future oriented, to create a church my children want to be a part of. So I would like to ask you to email me because the staff and I are wrestling with this challenge and I do have a few ideas we need your input on.
But for the rest of us, the challenge is how many obstacles are we putting up unknowingly? The question is, are we willing to put ourselves in the shoes of people who have experienced such dramatic and rapid changes in our world and therefore see the world a little differently than we do. That is what this series is about. If you have missed the past two weeks let me quickly share a little bit of what we’ve learned in examining the complaints of the millennial generation.
Two – Summary of Previous Two Weeks
- Quit demonizing everything outside of church
- Help people discern the culture instead of running from it
- Disciple better, calling people to deeper challenging faith
- Help people discern their calling in life
- Show how science and faith can work together
- Help people negotiate their sexuality without judgment
Three – Exclusive
Today I want to focus on two more concerns that millennials have with the established church. Let me start with a story told by Kinnamon in the book You Lost Me. He shares the story of Sarah who moved to Winnipeg and started work at a trendy restaurant, where she was embraced by a circle of warm and wonderful friends—few of whom were Christians. She even started dating Steve, who had grown up Catholic but no longer practiced the faith. The following summer, Sarah was hired to work at the Christian camp she had attended as a high school student. She was thrilled—the summers she had spent there had been meaningful seasons in her life and her walk with God.
Sarah and Steve felt strongly enough about each other that they decided to stay together long distance while she was away for the summer. They wrote and talked every day, and their relationship continued to deepen. But after the camp director’s wife found out that Sarah was dating a non-Christian, Sarah became her “project.” This woman did everything possible to convince her to break up with Steve. That all-out assault took its toll and they eventually decided to take a break. She remembers, “He didn’t want to pull me away from my beliefs but he also knew that he wasn’t going to change.”
Well, when that happened the director’s wife was elated. She said it was literally an answer to her prayers. She found out the entire senior high team was having meetings about her. But as much as she tried to tell herself it was for the best, it didn’t feel right. When Sarah and Steve saw each other the following weekend, they decided that in spite of their religious differences and the pressure Sarah was under, they wanted to try to make their relationship work. (They’ve been together ever since, now seven years and counting).
The day Sarah returned to camp was her last. She recalls, “That night after the kids were in bed, she was called down to the director’s office. He told her that, because she chose to date Steve, she had become a spiritual block at the camp. She needed to pack her things and leave first thing in the morning. She wasn’t even allowed to tell any of her friends.
Sarah felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She remembers thinking on the way home, “My non-Christian friends would never do that to me.” And Sarah’s experience describes why many young adults feel the church is exclusive. Many in the next generation believe that Christians have an insider-outsider mentality to those who don’t meet their standards. And this flies in the face of one of the most cherished values among millennials, which is tolerance.
It may be hard for us to understand how critical tolerance has become for this generation. I believe the underlying experience is how multicultural our world has become. Our world has gotten smaller and communication crosses all boundaries. Millennials will not accept an approach to the world that divides people. Jim Henderson calls them The Agreement Generation. They prefer to find areas of common ground than emphasizing differences that may lead to conflict.
Consider these facts:
- In 1960 when Boomers came up age, 4 out of 5 18-29 year olds in the US were white. Today just slightly more than half are white.
- In 1960 9 out of 10 young adults in the US were identified as Christian. Today it is 62%
- In 1960 only 5% of births were to unwed mothers, today it is 42% so families are more complicated.
- In 1960 Gender equality and awareness of the gay and lesbian community were new to us, today it is mainstream.
The world has changed and because millennials are so much more global in orientation. They are much more open to different cultures and therefore are very tolerant of other religions. Contrast that global and tolerant approach with the history of Christianity that includes numerous schisms. Even today if the stakes are high enough Christians will split. Not millennials, they don’t fight, they just leave.
Four – Some Theology that May Help
And here is where we need to do some theology if we wish to connect with millennials. If you are like me you believe deeply in the claims of Christianity that God did something very special. As it says in John 3:16 we believe God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him will have eternal life. And if you know your Bibles or maybe if you don’t you may have heard a Christian quote Jesus’ words in John 14:6-7
John 14:6-7 Jesus answered, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you have really known me, you will also know the Father. From now on you know him and have seen him.”
This passage has been quoted numerous times and is frequently used to declared that people, even very faithful and devout people of other religions will not get to heaven unless they profess with their very own lips that Jesus is the Christ. Now I believe in having a diverse church. I hope this will always be a place where people who have different viewpoints can co-exist and learn from one another. So I want you to know that historically there have been four traditional understandings on salvation and other belief systems. I want to share them so you can wrestle more with this and decide where you stand because this issue is not as simple as a literal understanding of this passage suggests.
Exclusivism- there is no salvation in non-Christian religions.
Pluralism – the belief that all religions are equally true and valid in their communication of the truth about God, the world and salvation.
Universalism- regardless of one’s attitude toward God, God will find a way to win every single person to his way and eternal life because God is all-loving and all-powerful.
Inclusivism- God saves people through Christ alone; however, he makes this possible through ways that extend to all humanity.
Now here is where I believe it is important to remember a passage that doesn’t get a whole lot of press but I think speaks significantly to this issue. We read it earlier:
Romans 2:14-16
14 Gentiles don’t have the Law. But when they instinctively do what the Law requires they are a Law in themselves, though they don’t have the Law. 15 They show the proof of the Law written on their hearts, and their consciences affirm it. Their conflicting thoughts will accuse them, or even make a defense for them, 16 on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the hidden truth about human beings through Christ Jesus.
Here Paul seems to appreciate that not all people have the same opportunity to know Jesus Christ. He has experienced this in his missionary travels and seen the openness of many to hear for the first time the Christian message. He has noticed many of these so-called pagans still have a knowledge of a higher being and their lives reflect it. He trusts that God will be just in his judgments.
So whatever you believe Jesus is trying to say in John 14:6 needs to be balanced by this very wise statement made by Paul. I think Romans 2 supports an Inclusive View of salvation, which affirms what God has done in Christ without unfairly judging other people raised in different places and in different faiths. If nothing else this passage encourages us to leave the question of people’s eternal destination up to him.
I am sharing all of this to let millennials know that the theology is there for you. Christianity and intolerance do not necessarily go hand in hand. I would encourage all ages to dive into this issue more deeply because I also have concerns with a simple pluralistic view that fails to respect the differences that are in each religion. You see if we take pluralism to its extreme then there is no reason for us to share our faith but if you truly know the love of Jesus Christ you can’t help but want to share it with others.
Five – Doubtless
Kinnamon then shares the final major concern of millennials. Kinnamon’s research unearthed many, many stories of young people who were raised in the church but when they went through a period of doubt, they were quickly shut down. The simplistic answers they were given were inadequate to face the realities in their lives. Too often people are just told to have faith. And these doubts come in various forms.
Intellectual Doubt
Intellectual doubt could be over several issues. Many people struggle with the concept of hell. Again this is an area where some think there is only one Christian teaching on this issue but if you read your Bibles you will discover the issue is not that simple.
People have developed doubts when evil and suffering become personal experiences in their life. Or how do you understand all the miracles in the Bible? How can I trust the Bible when in places it condones slavery or calls the Israelites to slaughter the Canaanites?
Institutional Doubt
Others experience institutional doubt because people in the church don’t live up to what they profess. In Kinnamon’s research he was shocked to find that 1 out of 8 people who had left the church had worked or volunteered in church and they left because of what they experienced.
Scandals like the abuse by priests in the Catholic Church has left many disillusioned. I remember when I was in youth group one of my adult youth leaders shocked our entire church when one day without any notice whatsoever, left his wife for another woman and moved to California. He lived just four houses down the road; I’d mowed their yard each summer. Fortunately, my faith was strong enough to realize this was his problem and not God’s but I wrestled for a while with why couldn’t the church have done more to prevent something like this?
And some millennials have their doubts because they don’t want to be a part of something that is so inwardly focused. Where all they do is worship once a week but make don’t real difference in the world they live. A good question for us to ask is what would this community miss if Noblesville First ceased to exist?
Unexpressed Doubt
36% of those surveyed by Kinnamon said, “I don’t feel that I can ask my most pressing life questions in church.” There is a feeling among many millennials they had to pretend while they were in church. It was not a place to raise questions. They find little appetite for dialogue on the issues they face.
And here is where we need to draw upon our scriptural resources. We need to remind people of the story of doubting Thomas. He need to notice how Jesus affirmed Thomas and gave him what he needed by showing his nail wounds and inviting him to believe. We need to look at our scripture we just shared in the last chapter of Matthew and notice that
Matthew 28:16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshipped him, but some doubted.
Don’t miss that this passage is speaking of the disciples who have been with Jesus for three years. They have a number of Resurrection appearances and they still doubted, faith is not easy, Christianity is not easy. We do a disservice to people when we make faith sound so certain. We need to be more transparent in the fact that all of us struggle to be faithful. Bringing Jesus Christ into your heart doesn’t make all your problems go away. We need to be open with our failures along with celebrating our transformations. David Kinnamon says, “We need communities where it is safe for people to talk about their deepest, darkest concerns, where expressing uncertainty is not seen as abnormal.”
Transitional Doubt
And finally, there is transitional doubt. Usually, it is just for a time. Like the death of a loved one, a life crisis, depression or emotional problems that the church tends to deny. We do not always know how to respond. I love that we have things like Griefcare and Divorcecare in our church. These are wonderful ministries that acknowledge this difficult time in our lives. We need more places like these ministries so Noblesville First can be that place where people can be who they are, where people don’t have to put on a false self and pretend that everything is okay.